I have been writing articles for years about attracting a soulmate or companion. The basic understanding of most spiritual people is you have to love yourself before anyone else will love you. You can only attract what you have inside of yourself, as the theory is that everyone is a mirror of what you are. Having said this and taught workshops where everyone ended up getting married fairly soon after the workshop, I was thinking that God was playing a cruel joke on me because I could not find that special person. In fact, it seemed that I was doomed to be attracted to angry, emotionally unavailable people. If the theories hold true, that must mean that I was an angry, emotionally unavailable person as well.
I had to go pretty deep into myself to see what was blocking that perfect person for me. What I found wasn’t pretty, but the pain of the end of my last relationship was deep enough that I had to start looking for what I could not see. Most of my friends were telling me I was a kind, compassionate and generous person, but there must be something hidden under all of that to block the one I dreamed about from appearing. If the spiritual principles were correct.
For me, what I discovered was some deep-seated resentment against my parents, primarily because they were very hard on me and insisted that I always do better. My adult consciousness understands that they wanted me to be a success and do the best I could, but my inner child felt rejected and abandoned. Once I started being grateful for all of what they did for me, including instilling in me a drive to excel, I noticed that more and more people were starting to notice I was attractive and wanted to be around me. Then the miracle I had been wishing for happened. I met The One.
I have contemplated at length why now, what was different and how I was different to have attracted someone I am totally attracted to. She is gorgeous, intelligent, successful, funny, and understands me. I hope that she is a reflection of me, which means I really have shifted. I am fairly sure this is a different relationship than any of her predecessors, including the way I feel. I do not feel like a child looking for a mother. I do not feel like she will disappear if I say no. I do not feel like being someone I am not, and I definitely do not feel like telling her what I think she wants to hear. I do not feel threatened if she can’t be with me all of the time. That is a huge shift in my consciousness.
I do feel like telling her how I feel, whether I think she will like it or not. I do feel like doing everything to make this work. Those poetic notions are starting to rekindle in my heart; I want to write poetry again. Best of all, I do trust her, which is something I didn’t know whether I could ever do again. I trust her when she says she adores me. I trust her when she says she wants to be with me. I trust her when she says I am special. The biggest change in all of this is I love myself enough to know that I deserve such a special person in my life. So perhaps loving myself has made all of the difference, after all. I love you Linda.