Spiritual and relationship expert, teacher, counselor, advisor, speaker, and writer James Gray Robinson

VICTIM OR EMPOWERED?

Victim consciousness is the belief that I am a victim, that life happens to me, and that all I can do is suffer. Victim consciousness is the belief that everything that happens to me is not my fault, and people are rude, cruel and heartless. Victim consciousness is a habitual way of thinking that makes me blameless and powerless. After all, the worst thing for a victim to believe is that they are responsible for their reality. Victim consciousness is born in fear, fostered in fear and rejects the notion that we created this mess.

Murphy’s Law states that “everything that can go wrong, will.” This is the classic victim statement. It is the ultimate fear based thought. People who buy into this kind of thinking live their lives as victims and are constantly blaming their reality on others. If it is not their friends who are at fault, it is the bankers, the money-grubbing oil companies, and the invisible wealthy that control our lives and pull the strings behind the scenes are at fault. Everyone is trying to steal our happiness and bliss. And we let them.

I look around everyday and contemplate how I give my power away. I have some ingrained behaviors that have come to light recently that startle me. I am constantly seeking to please people so they will like me. If they like me then they will be less likely to hurt me.  I am a pleasure junkie, and fear pain. If I am criticized for speaking my truth, then I hurt. So I don’t speak my truth and calculate how to make people like me. That takes a lot of my energy that could be used for more useful endeavors. The best statement I have ever heard is “what other people think about me is none of my business.” I say that a lot, but I don’t believe it.

As I give my power away, I lose myself more and more. I do things I don’t want to do because I want others to like me. The irony is that people like me for who I am, and often don’t like it when I try to be someone that I think they will like. It all gets kind of mangled in my devious mind. I call it my “nefarious plan of world domination.”

I see others wrapped in the same insanity, wanting people to like them and scheming how to do it, when all they have to do is be authentic. Being authentic simply means “don’t worry, be happy.” Being authentic means loving others, and us no matter what. Being authentic means accepting that we are always learning, growing and doing the best we can. Being authentic means to stop judging others and simply enjoying everything. Being authentic means smiling more and frowning less. Being authentic means dropping our masks and facades. Being authentic means no more criticism of others or us. Being authentic means discovering who we are and loving that person, not someone we wished we could be.

I hear the term “step into my power” a lot, and many times I wonder exactly what that means. A lot of times when I hear that phrase it is an excuse to project, criticize and judge others.  I will be the first to admit to that behavior. I have learned for me, “to step into my power” means to shut up and listen. Just because I have an opinion doesn’t give me the right to share it until I have contemplated where the opinion comes from and what my motivation is for sharing the opinion.

Motivation is the most important aspect of what we do or say. If our motivation is to prove that we are smarter, more enlightened or better than others, then whatever we do is detrimental to our spiritual growth. As the saying goes, “it is better to be silent and let people think we are stupid than open our mouths and prove it.” Whenever we compare ourselves to others in anyway, we give away our power. This is true whether we conclude we are better than or less than the people we compare ourselves. Most people do not realize that when we think we are better than someone else we actually give our power away to the people we condemn.

The most empowering thought in the universe is “I created and love _____[fill in the blank].” If you are thinking about a person you can’t stand, the blank is filled with the name of that person. If you are thinking about your life, the blank is filled with “my life.” If you are thinking about your circumstances, fill in the blank with “this.” Whatever you are struggling with, fill in the blank with it.  There are no victims in God’s world.

If we greet every challenge, every perceived tragedy, every perceived setback with “ I created and love this,” you will be responding with love, not fear. When we respond with love, we create a positive energy around the circumstance and it will grow into a miracle. When we respond in fear and victim-hood, we create a negative energy around the circumstance and it will grow into a disaster. It is in this way that we are the creators of our own miracles and disasters. Do not blame anyone for your miracles and disasters, for they are your own creation.

For me, Mercury in retrograde is one of the most powerful creative times in the year. It is the time when I can get rid of the old and let it go. When things break down, I can look at it and decide whether I really need another one or if I can do without it. If I need another one, then I can decide whether to replace it with something more ecologically friendly or more economical. I can decide whether to upgrade or downgrade. In any case, I know that I was the one that was responsible for the destruction or loss of the thing, relationship or whatever. How much more empowerment can one handle?

It is folly to blame a planet for our lives. We are the center of our universe and we are the ones that need to take responsibility for everything! The best time to experience this is when Mercury in retrograde, for instead of blaming a planet for our challenges, we need to go inside and discover how we created the mess and what the message is for us. If someone is accusing us of wrongdoing, we should be seeing where that statement is correct, and learn and grow. If someone has pushed our “buttons” or upset us, we need to go inside and see how we are responsible for the chaos. If we can rise above the melodrama, change and grow, we become more powerful than we ever could imagine. We heal, instead of creating more, melodrama.

I look forward to Mercury in retrograde. I know that things will not be boring as the old is destroyed and the new takes its place. I know that I will become more connected to my divinity as the stuff hits the fan. I know that I will laugh at myself more as I continue to learn more and more about the melodrama I create. Life is love, the rest is pure illusion.

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