Spiritual and relationship expert, teacher, counselor, advisor, speaker, and writer James Gray Robinson

HOW TO SAY GOODBYE

Many times in our life we have to say goodbye. We say goodbye to loved ones who graduate to higher dimensions through the illusion of death. We say goodbye to people we become attached to that leave us on the physical plane. We say goodbye to children who grow up and become adults. We say goodbye to most people on a daily basis as we move from one physical location to another.

This is the subtlest of illusions we encounter on this physical dimension. If you believe in any sort of god, angels, ascended masters, higher beings, higher consciousness, spiritual guides, you would know that when we part on a physical plane we never separate on all of the other planes. When we believe that we are separated one from another, it is called duality or separation consciousness. We think that we are separating one from the other. As a divorce attorney for many years, I encountered frantic telephone calls from parents who experienced a traumatic experience when their children were delivered from one parent to another. The child throws a temper tantrum, and the parent who is handing off the child thinks that the child is expressing fear of being with the other parent. This is not what is happening. Psychologists have a term for this experience; it is called “separation anxiety.” The child thinks that they will never see the other parent again, they are not old enough to know that they will see the other parent soon.

As children, we experience separation anxiety when we are taken from someone we love. As adults, we experience traumatic emotions when someone we are attached to dies or leaves us for any reason.  Whether it is the death of someone, or children growing up and leaving, or a lover who leaves, we experience the panic of separation anxiety unless we have a higher consciousness of what is happening.

I have raised three beings, two sons and a stepdaughter. Due to the divorce and trauma of my divorce, I have not spoken to my stepdaughter (her decision) for over 15 years. I could let that bother me, but I know better. I know that we are not separate, because I have the teachings.

The teachings are ancient wisdom that sustain us and help us experience life without suffering as best as possible. The teachings tell us there is no goodbye. There is no separation because we are all one. I see a lot of spiritual beings getting caught in the illusion that when someone leaves us we will never see them again. Again, this can be very subtle. It can be the twinge when a loved one goes away for a short while. Or it can be when someone we love dies.

I have experienced the pain of my mother’s graduation from this life while I was on a transatlantic flight hurrying to get back before she left. I have experienced the pain of not talking to someone I love for over 15 years because they don’t want to have anything to do with me. I have been divorced twice. I have a lot of reasons to hate goodbyes, but I don’t.

I firmly believe that we are all one. A person can go out of our life for a while, but the truth is we are not separate. My friend Derek O’Neill tells the story that after his beloved wife was promoted to higher duties on other planes he can’t hide from her anymore. When she was alive he could play hooky once and awhile. Once she went to the higher dimensions, she is always watching what he is doing. She never left him.

There is a teaching that we are all one. This is easy to say but hard to put into practice. Many people say it, but when someone leaves or dies they go into great drama. This is somewhat inconsistent it seems to me. If we truly believe we are one, we would not loose a moment’s sleep or happiness over the illusion of separation. So when we go into great grief or melodrama over separation on the physical plane, we are not applying the teachings.

One way of expressing this illusion is imagining you are a fingernail and feeling separate from all of the other fingernails. From a higher (or broader) perspective, we are part of the same body, but from the fingernail’s perspective you are not one. It is the same way with separation consciousness. You can look at our universe as one big melting pot of energy taking many different forms, but it is still energy.

We have to get outside of our limited perspectives to understand the bigger picture, that what we do has consequences and ripple effects that go beyond our limited vision.  The same consciousness that recognizes that when a butterfly flaps its wings it can cause a typhoon somewhere else, recognizes that cutting down a tree to make pasture for cattle to be used for unhealthy hamburgers will cause more destruction than the loss of a single tree. In fact, it will create a wasteland.

The truth is our souls are immortal. Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, all religions agree souls are immortal. So how would we handle “goodbye” if we knew we would see that soul again? Maybe not in this lifetime, but in another or on another plane. Perhaps we should get into the habit of saying “see you later.”

 

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