Spiritual and relationship expert, teacher, counselor, advisor, speaker, and writer James Gray Robinson


            It is my experience that the ancient teachings (God) come to me in times of my greatest growth and help me to understand that everything is in my highest good. I had the sublime and transformational experience recently of not getting what (or who) I really, really, really wanted. Specifically, I met someone that I have a great deal in common with, and share many common beliefs, profoundly enjoy every minute with this person and was convinced that I had finally found my soul mate. The kicker was that this person is in a relationship that they are not willing to leave. So by not getting what I want, I got to feel the old familiar intense pain of a broken heart.

            The illusion of separation is greatest in these situations. Imagine someone who doesn’t even know of the existence of the illusion of separation who faces this situation. Most people would go into victimhood and depression. However, the teachings tell us that when we don’t get what we want, a space is opened up in our psyche that either causes our greatest suffering or gives us the opportunity to fill it with a connection with the divine. That part of the spiritual journey is called the dark night of the soul. We cry out to our higher self for comfort and guidance, and the cry is answered with peace and equanimity. Stated another way, a broken heart is one way God uses to come into our heart.

            I am well aware that the illusion of a broken heart is a melodramatic reaction to not getting my way and wishing life was different. It is an adult version of a temper tantrum.  The teachings state that the cause of all suffering is wishing life were different. So the truth of the phenomenon of any emotional trauma is that it is our reaction to not getting what we want. The path to enlightenment is paved with the stones of not getting what we want. After all, if we got what we wanted all of the time, there would be no motivation, no opportunity to change our beliefs about ourselves and grow.

            What is different about this experience is that realization that I caused it and am fully responsible for the lesson. The poor woman probably was not ready for a committed relationship (especially with me) but that did not stop me from building romantic castles in the air and making plans for our eternal bliss. She probably didn’t know what hit her. A full frontal assault from a highly spiritual Leo is daunting, I would imagine. Even more important is the lesson that we cannot find love outside of ourselves. By reaching outside of myself to find love in the form of this person I created in my own mind, I created this scenario. When the full light of the being that I am shined on this illusion, it evaporated like the morning dew.

            It is humbling at times to realize just how powerful we are. The uncomfortable question is how am I behaving in order to create this reflection of my heart? Do I disregard my feelings or not love myself the way I need? These are important questions for my own spiritual growth, for the people I encounter in my life are merely reflections of how I relate to myself. There is lots of food for contemplation from this experience.

            The most important question is how do I move on? I have decided that I will be open to whatever happens and look forward to seeing who I become after all of this. I find that as I move along the spiritual path, my feelings have become much more intense.  I feel joy and pleasure much more intensely as well as feeling loss and drama more intensely. If I were honest with myself I would admit that I saw this event coming. I saw the red flags and chose to ignore them. Obviously this was a lesson that was necessary for my spiritual growth (as are all of my experiences).  Everything is important in this experience. I am sure there are many more revelations to come. I do feel calmer, centered and grounded than before the experience, perhaps that was the purpose of the whole drama.

            I am reminded that one of the milestones of enlightenment is being able to be happy in my unhappiness.  Whenever we feel unhappy, or ask a question, that is our ego. Whenever we feel happy, that is our heart. When we can let go of our thoughts, to remember that we are not our thoughts, we can be still and feel the happiness. Everyone plays a role in this drama we call life. I am going to play my role, the role of happiness. 

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