Spiritual and relationship expert, teacher, counselor, advisor, speaker, and writer James Gray Robinson


            I have been manifesting some life lessons lately. Life lessons are experiences that we come to this planet to have and learn. The difference between life lessons and the ordinary daily lessons we experience is that life lessons often involve deeply rooted, often-subconscious beliefs that cause us to limit ourselves and suffer.  These are our “sacred cows,” the beliefs that are so deeply imbedded into our psyche that we don’t even know they are there. We manifest “life lessons” to bring our attention to the root cause of these experiences so that we can see what is limiting our consciousness and life experiences.

One of the most frequent life lessons involves relationships. Relationships include any interaction, whether it is with a parent spouse, child, coworker, boss, or authority figure. If you are experiencing disharmony, lack, frustration, negative emotions of any kind, or feelings of abandonment or rejection, you can be sure it is a life lesson which you are creating to show you a belief that is no longer working for you.

If someone is not behaving like you want and you are suffering as a result, the first step is to detach from the drama of the situation and ask yourself what you need to see about this experience. It is likely that this experience has happened before in your life and you need to see the pattern of it. If at anytime you have said to yourself  “not again”, you can be sure that there is a pattern you need to see about your behavior, not the behavior of other person. Anytime you blame suffering on another person, this is perhaps a life lesson on how you always project your issues on another person.

One of the most common causes of suffering in relationship is the subconscious attempt of one person to make the other responsible for his/her happiness. We all know that only we are responsible for our happiness, but if you experience suffering because of the behavior of someone else, this is called “disempowerment” or making someone other than yourself responsible for your happiness. If someone’s behavior can cause you great joy or great suffering, you have likely disempowered yourself to that person.

True power is created when we can stay grounded and centered no matter what someone else is doing. We lose our power or give our power away when we make ourselves miserable due to the behavior of someone else. Did someone say an unkind word that caused suffering? You gave your power away. Feelings hurt? You gave your power away. Are you anxious or worried about someone or something? You have given your power away. Are you experiencing feelings of lack or victimhood? You have given your power away.

Thousands of self-help books claim to prescribe the formula for self-empowerment. You don’t need to read a book; you just have to accept the fact that you are giving your power away every time you don’t like something.  If you can recognize what you are doing, you can simply stop it. If you are not aware you are doing it, you can’t change anything. So if you are mired in the fear of lack or victimhood, you probably will have a hard time understanding that you created this situation so you can see how you are giving your power away. So accept the responsibility of your creation and stop resisting.

There are a couple of simple (maybe not easy) ways to take your power back. The goal is to be happy with yourself no matter what is going on around you. The most powerful person in the world is the person who is happy. Do you feel alone and unloved? Be happy and see how people are magnetized to you. Do you feel like you are a loser? Be happy and see the abundance flow. Do you feel like you are a victim? Be happy and you will never be a victim again.

So the ultimate question is how to get off the drama train and be happy. The only thing that is required to be happy is to understand you are God’s representative here on Earth and you are experiencing your life to rejoin God. Now if you are an atheist, you can be happy if you understand that happiness flows from acceptance. There is nothing wrong with the planet, only our perception of it. What we experience in life is not as important as what we believe about what we experienced.  If we believe something is good, all will be good and we will experience a life filled with light. If we believe it is bad, we will experience a life filled with darkness and shadow. It is all the same life; the difference is how we perceive it.

Just remember when we receive life lessons, we asked for this. All of us on the spiritual path asked for enlightenment, consciousness or just a better life. The joke is that life happens when we had something else planned. The reality is that when we asked for enlightenment we left kindergarten and immediately enrolled in the graduate level programs of consciousness. At that level we have to be responsible for everything we perceive, including our happiness. We have to quit giving our power away to people, places and things and start reclaiming our own happiness. This is the source of true power.

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