Spiritual and relationship expert, teacher, counselor, advisor, speaker, and writer James Gray Robinson

The Brightest Lights

We all want to do the best we can, and to be the best person we can be. We all want to be admired and successful. We would love animals to come running up to us to be petted or hugged, we would love small children to do the same. When we love, we want our partner to love us with as much wild abandon as we offer, and we want them to be just as interested in our happiness as we are with theirs. Sometimes life just doesn’t work out that way.

Oftentimes people devote their lives to divine conduct and devotion to our divine nature. We selflessly offer our time and efforts to help others. We meditate, pray, contribute to charities and help little old ladies cross the street. Yet our hearts get broken when our soulmate betrays us or lies to us, we are traumatized when someone cheats us and steals our life savings, and we suffer doubts and fears about whether there is a God or not. After all, if we spend all of our life doing good and selfless deeds for others, study scripture and meditate and pray, why do we have to suffer from immoral and dishonest people?

There are several reasons for this. First, we may still have some suppressed emotions that we need to heal to advance on our spiritual journey. If we are greedy or lustful, sometimes people come into our lives to mirror those hidden emotions so we can heal them. What we don’t realize is sometimes these mirrors are “fun house” mirrors that distort the actual extent of the problem buried in our subconscious. They are distorted to make sure we get the message. Perhaps we are doing good deeds to be seen as doing good deeds or for fame and reward. If this is the case then the other person can help show us how we could be hurting others and not even know it. So the distortion helps break through our denial so we have to look at ourselves. Put down the microscope and pick up the mirror, in other words.

Second, the other people may be here to show us how we may have lived in the past or in a past lifetime and they are here to help us clear our karma. Depending on how we respond to unkindness, dishonesty or betrayal, we can cut through lifetimes of karma. If we respond in kind, then the karma will not be cleared. If we respond in kindness and honesty, the karma will be cleared. If we can avoid judging the other person, we do not have to forgive. If we judge the other person, we would have to forgive. This does not mean, however, that we have to allow the other person to continue their behavior. Healthy boundaries with untrustworthy people are clearly necessary to love yourself.

Third, the other person may be unconsciously or unintentionally reminding you of another relationship (parents, ex’s, etc) that you have not let go. If someone abandons or betrays you, this may be time to look at your relationships with your parents and yourself. Sometimes we get in relationships to expose our love or lack of love for ourselves. When we start loving ourselves, we may realize that we have to end the relationship with the person who came to show us this. If we love ourselves, we do not associate with people who are not appropriate to be with, for any reason.

Finally, and this may be more common than you may think, the brightest light brings the biggest bugs. Just like moths are drawn to flames, damaged people are oftentimes drawn to highly evolved people. The brightest lights do not take the damaged people personally; they realize that the light always comes with the dark and vice versa. The brightest lights have healthy boundaries and do not let the damaged ones cross. So when a damaged person tries to hurt a bright light, the bright light just loves them and moves on. This certainly depends on the amount of confidence and self-worth everyone has. You can tell the bright light by the fact they don’t go into victim consciousness. They just go. In my case, I had to finally accept the fact that many people come to me for a healing. My problem is sometimes I fall in love with them. I am not supposed to be a white knight. There are a lot of people who don’t want to be saved. They are perfectly content in their misery. When I realized that being a white knight is a dead end job, my life got a lot simpler.

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