I constantly amaze myself how I can steal unhappiness from the jaws of bliss. It takes quite a bit of effort at times to make myself unhappy. However, because I am so clever, I can do it even when there is absolutely no reason to be unhappy. I realize that it is a learned trait, developed over 60+ years of training, and hard to change. I am encouraged that I realize this, because what I am aware of can change. However, it takes quite a bit of courage and honesty to admit this to myself, especially when I convince myself I am right.
At this moment, I am cruising at 35,000 feet on an Embraer Jet. For anyone that has done a sufficient enough traveling, an Embraer Jet is a smaller jet for regional flights. The overhead bins are much smaller than larger jets most people are used to. As a result, many travelers are disappointed and frustrated that the carryon luggage they expected to have with them will not fit in the Embraer cabin and must be gate checked.
As we were boarding, one woman insisted that her carryon bag should go with her into the cabin. The stewardess kept telling her it would not fit in the overhead bins, and that she would have to gate check the bag. However, due to a bad experience the woman had on a previous flight that lost her bag, she refused to gate check the bag. As a result, there was an impasse, a Mexican standoff of sorts. We could not leave the gate until she gave up her bag, which she was unwilling to do.
Ultimately she simply ignored the stewardess and sat in her seat with her bag under her feet. Her knees were beside her ears, and she had a look of ultimate angry victory. The stewardess simply rolled her eyes and let her be, even though having a passenger in this position violated air safety regulations.
As I watched all of this melodrama unfold, the first thought that went through my mind was the teaching that I create my own reality. So I contemplated why I would create this bit of melodrama to start off my day. It was not long before I realized that this was totally symbolic of how my clever mind held on to all of its illusions and judgments. I immediately became grateful for the image I would now have of this woman in misery feeling that she had won an important battle.
About 6 weeks ago I terminated a relationship with someone I really cared for because it was not what I wanted. No matter how much I wanted it, it just wasn’t happening. I was totally miserable during the relationship because it wasn’t what I wanted and I could not understand why anyone would want to live with me and not be in a loving relationship. I was hanging on to something I didn’t want like that woman who wouldn’t let go of her bag. When I let go, the misery was replaced by a sense of loss, which is healing. The fear of the unknown is transforming into excitement for the future.
After all of the self-analysis and meditation I have done I continue to amaze myself with the seeds of misery I continue to find in my consciousness. I know that enlightenment is a continuous process of discovery and detachment, and I am really grateful to this woman who modeling for me how my mind behaves sometimes. I am smiling at the fact that enlightenment comes in such comical messages.
Whenever I have one of these enlightening moments, I return to my original state of grace and happiness. I realize that whatever unpleasantness I experienced with the illusion that I was abandoned or rejected has passed never to return again. That in and of itself is cause for happiness. So I sit with a smile on my face, determined that I will be able to maintain my happiness despite my clever mind. I am going to have to see what else I am hanging onto, afraid to let go. Let it go, let it go as the Disney mantra sings. This is true enlightenment.