Spiritual and relationship expert, teacher, counselor, advisor, speaker, and writer James Gray Robinson

I Don’t Miss You

Whenever someone we “love” leaves us for a short while, or even a long while, it is common for people to say “I miss you”. We say that about people who have left this lifetime, or people who are gone for a few days. We say that about places, objects, pets, jobs, and many other subjects that are no longer with us. Many people don’t realize what we are really saying and how that is a lie. When we say: “I miss you”, we are saying that we are incomplete without that person or object. Of course that is not true because the highest teachings tell us that (1) we are perfect, (2) we are complete just as we are and (3) we are all one. It is an illusion that the person, place or thing has separated from us. Additionally, when we put someone, some place or something in our heart, they are never gone from us.
So what are we saying? We are trapped in the illusion the ego puts us in, that we need someone, some place or something to make us happy. We are acknowledging that we have dis-empowered ourselves to what is outside of ourselves and we are acknowledging that we need to love ourself more. Now this may sound harsh but if you think about it, you will realize the truth of that statement. What is the feeling of “missing” something? It is the feeling of being incomplete, of needing something outside of us to be happy. It is an expression of separation anxiety. However, it is the epitome of self-love to be complete in and of ourselves and not need anything outside of us to be happy. After all, when we love ourselves, we do not need anyone else or anything else to be happy.
Some people may argue that what is the big deal, it is just a way of saying “I love you” and they are only words anyway. The problem is that the thoughts that we think and the words that we say create our reality. When we say “I miss you”, that is saying to the universe that we are in a state of lack and are in victim consciousness. There is a subconscious message that we are suffering because of that other person and that other person is to blame. Is that the message that we want to put out to the universe? If all of this talk about attracting what you think about is correct, all we are doing is attracting more lack and suffering. Not good.
What comes out of our mouth is more important than what we put in it. When we say “I miss you” we are giving that person power over us. All they have to do is leave and we will suffer. You do not want to give anyone that kind of power over you. We have to be complete and happy no matter what other people are doing or we will suffer even when they are with us. I went through a powerful life lesson recently in a relationship where I did just that. I went through separation anxiety ever time the other person left me. I can promise you that it is vastly empowering to get to a place where that doesn’t matter.
I saw on Facebook yesterday a sign that said: “Remember that time you thought a life lesson was your soulmate?” That was very poignant to me because it is a pattern that has played out over and over again in my life until now. Now I am empowered and do not need someone else to make me happy.
If you would like to say something that is much more empowering and more truthful than “I miss you”, say “I look forward to the next time we see each other”. Can you feel the difference in the energy of those two statements? One is coming from a place of victim-hood, the other is from a place of power. You are complete; you do not need anything else and you are confident. The power of the second statement is palpable. It is these kind of subtle changes in our thinking and our words that can change our life. “I miss you” is a statement of pain; “I look forward to the next time we see each other” is a statement of hope. In fact, many languages have phrases that mean exactly that. “Au revoir” (french), “arrivederci” (italian), “hasta luego” (spanish) all mean “until we see each other again”. Even “goodbye” means “may god be with you”.
It is important to remember that we are all one; that means we never go anywhere. Death is an illusion; we are all one. Someone may not be in our line of sight; they are still there. When someone goes into another room, do you “miss them”? I hope not. If so, separation anxiety has really got you by the throat. The truth is there is no difference between the two. The ultimate truth is when we say “I miss you”, we are doubting the divine. Everything that happens in our life is in the divine plan; everything that happens to us is designed to bring us home. When we suffer because someone leaves; we are playing god. Last time I checked that job was filled very nicely. So when we are suffering because of our circumstances, it is a pop quiz to determine our faith in the divine and trust that all will be perfect. How are you doing?