Spiritual and relationship expert, teacher, counselor, advisor, speaker, and writer James Gray Robinson

Why Men Lose Interest

Authority issues, childhood trauma, and emotional immaturity can all be factors in why so many marriages fail.

Why do men lose interest? I am not sure this is a gender-related issue. In other words, both men and women often lack the ability to form lasting relationships and keep them.

Above all, good relationships are a reflection of how we think and feel about ourselves. Relationships fail and fall apart for many reasons. The following are six examples.

6 Reasons Why Men Lose Interest

  1. Emotional immaturity. Many parents smother their children. They tell children how to think, what to do, and how to be. Parents rarely stress the importance of long term commitment and children are not trained to achieve long term goals. In a majority of families, participation is preferred over achievement.
  2. Childhood trauma. Many people suffer childhood trauma. At the very least, one day we have to separate ourselves from our parents and learn to think and live for ourselves. People who have been hurt (physically or emotionally) by their parents or authority figures fail to properly bond with significant others and can’t stand rejection or abandonment. When someone says “no”, this may trigger the memories of rejection and we run away.
  3. We live in a disposable society. Modern day relationships have become disposable as well. A hundred years ago, married couples were expected to make it last for better or worse. In modern times, most of our parental role models have been divorced or had multiple relationships so there is no motivation to find solutions to disagreements. Similarly, most people today just go onto the next relationship.
  4. Co-dependence. We can’t love others if we can’t love ourselves. When we look for someone to make us feel good about ourselves it always fails because we are looking for love in all of the wrong places. It is like trying to comb the hair of our reflection in the mirror. Real, self-love is the critical building block for all long-term human relationships.
  5. Perfectionism. A guru once told me that a soulmate is someone who never says “no”. When we are interested in someone who says “no”, we would rather move on to the next relationship than find solutions to disagreements or simply accept the fact that we disagree.
  6. Unrealistic expectations. Much of the literature on relationships is focused on finding your soulmate, someone who will make your life easier. However, this is an illusion and fraud. Like life, all relationships require management and self-discipline to be successful. We have to focus on the things we like and disregard the things we don’t.

In conclusion, many children simply are not trained to think for themselves, so they don’t know what to do when challenges arise. As a result, it is much easier for these children (and later adults) just to walk off the field rather than stay in and fight.

I am rooting for you to create real, lasting relationships you are willing to fight for.

View the article on Divorce Magazine.com